Mitt Romney: “I really liked that Red Sox player with the beard”

Presidential candidates are asked their opinions on a number of issues while out on the campaign trail, and not all of them have to do with politics. Today, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney was asked his thoughts on the Boston Red Sox trading Kevin Youkilis to the Chicago White Sox.

After his internal processors computed the question, Romney smiled quizzically. As he began to speak, a struggle formed across his face, and it appeared that the human Romney began fighting the robotic Romney for who would answer the question.

Reporters began backing off, as if the former Massachusetts governor would combust.

Finally, the two parts of Romney combined to create his answer: “I really liked that Red Sox player with the beard.” One reporter was later quoted as saying, “Well, that’s more than most Red Sox fans could say about Youkilis.”

Romney’s inner computer then took over, as the candidate started spouting a series of batting averages and OPS number directly from Youkilis’ page.

When Romney got to the 2004 World Series, however, there appeared to be a hard drive malfunction, as the candidate started repeating the phrase “bloody sock” before a blue screen of death appeared on his face. Campaign spokesman Robert Berkman unfroze Romney by holding down his left nipple and right butt cheek, which he claimed was preferable to giving the candidate an enema, thus performing a full restart.

“Next election, we’re getting a Mac,” Berkman said as he performed Romney’s software update on the latest Supreme Court decisions.


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