Chinese Restaurant Revamps Cookie Part of Fortune Cookie

Fortune cookies: people either love them, hate them, or can’t understand what the hell the fortune is trying to say. But either way, the popular dessert item found in nearly every Chinese takeout restaurant has an established shape and taste that predates Confucious, or at the very least, Seinfeld.

But one Manhattan food truck has had enough with fortune cookie tradition, and is looking to upgrade the treat in a big way. The truck, titled, “Name, phone number, what would you like?” (abbreviated NPNWWYL on the side of the truck) has been roaming the East Village for the last two weeks passing out free samples of its new fortune cookie. Though the truck serves several traditional Chinese meals, such as General Tso’s Chicken, Chicken and Broccoli and Roasted Censorship, the big draw is the new cookie.

“There are a few things that make our fortune cookies so special,” said the truck’s founder, Samuel K. Jackson. “For one, we changed the shape. We were really inspired by the Jewish people, so we shaped it like a hamantaschen. Then, we thought we would play into the cupcake craze a bit, so we dipped it in three layers of frosting. On the inside, you obviously have to have fro-yo, because how else will we get the young professionals to eat it?”

When asked if, perhaps, the new fortune cookie recipe was a bit excessive, Jackson replied, “I’M TIRED OF THESE MOTHERFUCKING FOOD CRITICS ON THESE MOTHERFUCKING STREETS CRITICIZING MY FORTUNE COOKIES.”    He then pulled out his iPhone and told Siri, “for the 250th time, my middle initial is K, not L.”

On first glance, and on the second, third and 300th glance, the concoction looks nothing like a fortune cookie. Jackson, however, says that there is one obvious connection to the traditional cookie. “Misspelled fortunes.” he said. “We’ve got a whole team of unpaid interns working away underneath the truck, live-tweeting and cranking out fortunes. If they give us something with all of the words spelled and with correct grammar, we make them chug MSG.”

“The more nonsensical the fortune, the more we reward them with frosting noogies.”

An example of a typical fortune from Jackson’s truck reads: “Rainbos cross your sky three days preasent, yet who do you runn the race with down snow-coverd buffaloee?”

The internship, according to one unnamed participant in the program, is only accepted at Syracuse’s Newhouse School of Public Communications.

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