Things I cannot do well…

In light of a recent experience in which I ended up massacring a mango with a butter knife, I have decided to compile a list of all the day-to-day activities in which I feel inadequate. This way, everyone will know which of my traits to exploit, while I can attempt to better myself, one pathetic task at a time. If any of you are embarrassed for me after reading this list, just think about how I feel compiling it.

Ready? OK!

Andrew’s List of things at which he’s not too competent…

  1. Cutting mango
  2. Singing with a falsetto that doesn’t sound like my voice just cracked
  3. Continuing to increase the amount of weight I lift
  4. Using apostrophes when writing contractions
  5. Refraining from talking over someone while on the phone with them
  6. Saying no to peer pressure
  7. Texting on my iPhone
  8. Finishing books
  9. Chugging beer
  10. Talking to random girls at a bar
  11. Chugging beer and then immediately talking to random girls at a bar
  12. Regularly writing blog posts/recording podcasts
  13. Making definitive decisions on whether or not to pee in the middle of the night
  14. Playing video games
  15. Playing Angry Birds
  16. Keeping an orange peel in one piece while removing
  17. Getting rid of the “orange hands” smell
  18. Timing whether or not to walk across the street when the “don’t walk” hand is blinking
  19. Using scissors in an efficient manner
  20. Removing the plastic tags from clothing with my hands
  21. Removing the plastic tags from clothing with scissors
  22. Drying clothing for the proper amount of time
  23. Keeping clothing from wrinkling, even after folding/hanging
  24. Seeing movies I “keep meaning to see.”
  25. Having cash on me when I really need it
  26. Using Bank of America ATMs instead of ATMs with $32409834098324 fees
  27. Using mechanical pencils
  28. Not hitting the snooze button
  29. Sorting recycling in NYC
  30. Ironing
  31. Getting rid of cramps while running
  32. Remembering to use cherry tomatos after purchasing them
  33. Resisting ice cream
  34. Keeping my self-esteem at a high level after making a list of the things at which I’m not good
  35. Keeping in touch with old friends
  36. Deciding whether or not to give a homeless person money
  37. Speaking up for myself
  38. Being confrontational when necessary
  39. Walking on sidewalks without tripping
  40. Saying no to people soliciting on the street for organizations like Greenpeace
  41. Writing legibly
  42. Motivating myself to be a morning person
  43. Packing
  44. Unpacking
  45. Refraining from overpacking
  46. Arriving at the airport without too much time to wait for boarding
  47. Keeping my shoes tied
  48. Refraining from biting my nails
  49. Reading e-mails in the middle of the night
  50. Not making impulsive purchases
  51. Quoting movies
  52. Remembering the names of actors/actresses/directors
  53. Singing lyrics correctly
  54. Anything handy- drilling, hammering, using power tools
  55. Constructing anything from IKEA
  56. Shaving my neck
  57. Checking Twitter too often
  58. Remembering to defrost meat
  59. Bringing lunch to work
  60. Eat avocado or guacamole and not getting the chills
  61. Drinking orange juice
  62. Not smearing while handwriting with pens or markers
  63. Not following through completely on seemingly good ideas
  64. Waterskiing
  65. Tying balloons…have never successfully tied one in my life
  66. Walking up an escalator going down
  67. Skateboarding
  68. Diving with any sort of noticeable form
  69. Operating on just a few hours of sleep
  70. Falling asleep while people are talking
  71. Sleeping through loud events/noises
  72. Leaving personal belongings in public places
  73. Cutting myself off after lists go on for too long…
  74. Just kidding
  75. Heading a ball in soccer
  76. Dropping it like it’s hot
  77. Dribbling with my right hand
  78. Finding sunglasses that fit my face
  79. Wearing sunglasses while doing activities that require looking into the sun
  80. Keeping my foot from falling asleep
  81. Washing dishes the night after using them
  82. Keeping headphones in good, working order
  83. Sending birthday/holiday cards
  84. Making lists that reach 100…

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