Omar Minaya did a bad thing yesterday. In the process of trying to fire executive Tony Bernazard, he decided to throw Daily News reporter Adam Rubin under the bus. Minaya claimed that Rubin had been inquiring about a job with the Mets, and insinuated that Rubin had written a piece about Bernazard’s bizarre behavior to put himself in line for a job.
Rubin vehemently denied the accusations, and Minaya and Mets management have since apologized. Regardless, it was another bizarre twist in the Mets’ roller coaster season. When my boy EZ baby messaged me yesterday telling me Omar was holding a press conference, I figured Bernazard would get the axe. We both wondered with Omar would actually fire himself. But never could we have anticipated what actually went dwn.
Minaya’s presser has gotten plenty of airtime in the last 24 hours, but we at Between the Headset are not content to simply take what he said at face value. Instead, we read between the lines to decipher exactly what Omar and Adam meant yesterday:
Omar: Once the reports came out, you know, of course we had to expedite more the investigation.
Translation: We knew about this all along, but once you guys figured it out, we had to act like we actually cared. Seriously, what’s wrong with a guy taking his shirt off and taunting players? It’s not like he whipped out his junk or anything. Didn’t you all see Bruno? I haven’t seen that much nudity since my 23rd birthday in the V.I.P. lounge of Stone Lotus.
Omar:Early in the process, early in the process, when the reports came out, I had to kind of tell myself, “Wow, these things are coming out.”
Translation: I spit out my milk when I found out you guys had uncovered this story. I mean, we even hired that guy Gene Parmesan from Arrested Development to help us cover it up. Seriously guys, what’s with all the muckraking? Haven’t you heard journalism is dead?
Omar:And I say this because coming from Adam Rubin, okay, and Adam, you gotta understand this, Adam, for the past couple of years, has lobby for a player development position.
Translation: I know you guys aren’t going to believe me, and you’ll probably think I’m just trying to change the subject, but seriously, you gotta understand, the guy came to me and said he actually wanted to work for the Mets. I told him he could have the job. We were all set for the changeover and he backed out. I had my flight booked to Dubai. That little punk made me cancel. Do you know what cancellation fees are like these days? So now I’m gonna have to throw Adam under the bus.
Omar:He has lobby myself, he has lobby Tony.
Translation: Maybe if I speak in broken English, it’ll distract them. Then they won’t hear the bombshell I’m about to drop, because they’ll be too busy trying to add participles and all that good stuff to my quotes.
Omar:So when these things came out I was kind of a little bit, I had to think about it. And I was a little bit, you know, somewhat, kind of, we gotta find out about this. We really have to do a thorough investigation of this.
Translation: Ha! I think it worked. I don’t think one person in the room noticed that I just tried to link Adam’s article to the fact that he was asking about a job in baseball, thus implying that he had an ulterior motive for writing the article in the first place.
Adam Rubin: Is what you’re alleging that I tried to tear Tony down so I could take his job? Is that what you’re saying?
Translation: You mother$#$#%$%! Why does this always happen to me? In 4th grade Jack Toner tattled on me to the teacher because he said I stole his Oreo cookies. But that wasn’t true! I merely asked what I would have to do to get the Oreos from him. I didn’t actually do anything about it.
Omar: No, no, I’m not saying that. All I’m saying was, that I know that when you wrote the reports, but I am saying, that in the past, you have, have lobby for a player, for a for a job…
Translation: Damn, he heard me. Well now I better start backpedaling. This could get ugly. What would George Costanza do in this situation? He would have a good lie ready. I better think of one soon, because I sound like a bumbling idiot right now, and Sportscenter is going to show this clip while Charlie Steiner giggles on top of it. Remember that video of Carl Lewis singing the National Anthem? Francis Scott Off-Key? Funny stuff. Man, is this guy still talking to me?
Adam Rubin: If I were interested in working in player development somewhere in the major leagues at some point in my life, how did that impact this situation at all?
Translator: You really think I’m dumb enough to try to get Tony’s job by writing this article? Come on, man, you should know better than this. I hired that guy from Arrested Development, Gene Parmesan, to get as much blackmail of you as he could. But so far, all he had gotten were some pictures of you walking out of a nightclub with A-Rod and Kate Hudson.
Omar: I said, because, when the reports came out a lot of these things were cross… I said “Who’s writing these reports?” and I said well okay who’s writing the reports and in the back of my mind, Adam, you have told me you have told other people in the front office that you want to work for player development in the front office.
Translation: Words…question to myself…Adam…player development…nonsense…give up.
Adam Rubin: So what you’re alleging is that.. the only conclusion I can draw from that is that you’re trying to allege that I tried to tear everyone down so that I could take their position. Is that what you’re saying?
Translation: Listen Omar, I’ve got an entire room of journalists here that have my back. You’ve got nobody in this stadium that has your back. Sportswriters have each others’ backs, except for Jay Mariotti. So I’m just going to act really mad and turn the tables on you and you are going to have to meekly back away into your shell.
Translation: Of all the bad moves I’ve made here, is this what I’m going to get fired for?
Adam Rubin: It seems pretty despicable to say that.
Translation: You lose. Good day, sir.